Not Just A Day At The Beach

My middle sister has two girls just about the same ages as my girls and they are all really close, and I love it! I think it is one of the best things for the girls that they grow up together, not just as cousins but as friends. When the girls were babies and would play side-by-side I remember hoping that one day they would actually play together and enjoy it. Now that day has come and it really is fabulous.
A few days ago I took all four girls to the beach while my sister was working. The day was quite spontaneous as I hadn't made any plans but I knew that I wanted to do something other than just hang out at the house. Fortunately, we live up the street from a beautiful beach so we headed down there for the day with our snacks, both healthy and not, and an array of mismatched shovels and pails. I brought my chair, big floppy hat and iPod and dock station for some tunes. I didn't bring any libation as I normally would had I been going with a girlfriend but I didn't want to be that mom so I decided to abstain.
As I was settled in my comfy chair listening to Vivaldi (I'm kind of a nerd, I know) and I looked out at the girls I saw something that brought a tear or two to my eye. They were skipping and dancing along the wide open beach holding hands and laughing. I don't think I have ever felt so much love and pride as I did at that moment. I don't know what it was about that particular moment that effected me so greatly. It could have been the beautiful setting coupled with the beautiful scene. Now, if I had brought a bottle of wine it would all make perfect sense for me. The girls were so carefree and innocent as all children should be and I thought to myself, 'your dream of all the girls becoming friends for life is a reality'. I started picturing them as adults still hanging out and reminiscing about the fun days of their youth spent together at the beach with the best Aunt and mother four lucky girls could ever have. I hope I'm in their memories somewhere! I guess I'm just getting older and I understand how important family is to enjoying a secure and stable life. I hope they are always dancing and laughing together. Just writing this blog is bringing on the tears. Ahhhh..... motherhood, it's a wonderful journey.

The Mom Mysteries Part One Breastfeeding

Everyday of motherhood brings new and often confusing issues to deal with. I never know if the decisions I make for my family are the right ones or if I'm just arming my girls with ammunition for the counselling they will need as adults. Yes, maybe it will be all my fault but I hope I do make a few good choices along the way.

Today, I was at a pool party with my girls and about 6 other moms and their kids. One of the moms had a newborn baby. The baby was so fresh and sweet, I was aching to hold her but I had just met the mother and she didn't know me so, I didn't ask. A few minutes later the baby was hungry and the mom just whipped out her breast and started to feed her baby. I was so happy to see that this mom was comfortable with feeding her baby openly because I truly believe that breastfeeding does not need to be hidden away. I started to wish that I had felt that comfortable when I was breastfeeding. I probably would not have come to the pool party if I knew that my baby would be needing to be fed while we were there. I breastfed my youngest daughter for 7 months and I still do not understand how to do it. For me, there was nothing comfortable or easy about breastfeeding. I was never able to throw a blanket over my shoulder and just let her feed. I just never got a feel for it, I guess. Nothing about breastfeeding for me was natural but I kept at it despite having mastitis 5 times and being so sick one night that I fainted in the hallway causing my husband to consider calling 911. I have since self-diagnosed myself with a 10 month case of post par tum depression (that's another story) which could have played a role in my inability to get the hang of it. Speaking of hanging, another element to this mystery was definitely that fact that I went from a D cup to a GGcup. I had to order bras online. Now, to paint a picture for you, I am 5'2'' and weigh about 120. Imagine! You would think that those double G's would produce a dairy farm's worth of milk, but no. I needed to take domperidone( which I like to call Dom parignon) to help with milk production which actually didn't help. And, to make matters worse, my lactation nurse told me that the only way to produce more milk was to feed the baby and then pump afterwards. SO, I was either feeding or pumping! Are you getting the picture? This went on for 7 months until I couldn't take it any longer. Who knows what effect my anxiety and stress during the first few months of my daughter's life will have on her. Again, I'll be paying for that in her counselling sessions, no doubt. You can understand that to see this mom have such an easy time of it made me envy her. Breastfeeding will have to remain a mystery to me.